Growing Anyway: A Raw Reflection on Pregnancy Fatigue & Identity Shift

20 weeks in, standing in the mirror with a quiet smile and a growing bump. This moment feels like both a milestone and a surrender—halfway through a pregnancy I never expected, learning to embrace the body that’s building something beautiful.

Lately, life feels like a soft unraveling. I’m in between identities—mother, maker, trainer, marketer—and I’m learning to let that be enough. At 36, I’m shockingly pregnant with my third child. This pregnancy has been a battle. I’ve had to learn how to balance work, mothering my two older children, and coping with pregnancy fatigue and the stress it’s placed on my body. I’ve had to let go of working out as intensely as I was because my body simply couldn’t handle the load anymore. I’ve cut back on work hours, turned down clients, and asked for more help at home.

The shift from resistance to acceptance didn’t happen overnight. It’s been gradual—trial and error in the gym, going in with energy and leaving like I got hit by a bus. I had to realize that every day was going to feel different. Some days I had control over my eating, and some days cravings took over. I wasn’t completely in the driver’s seat anymore, and that realization was humbling.

This pregnancy feels completely different from the others. I had my first two kids at 22 and 24. Now, I’m a fresh 36, balancing work, mothering a preteen and a teen, and running around all day with far more responsibility than I had back then. I’m learning to slow down. I need more direction; more to-do lists and checkboxes to get me through—but also more downtime. I’m not the same woman I was in my twenties, and this season is asking something new of me.

One of the biggest lessons has been around body image. I never thought I looked good before pregnancy. I never thought I was fit enough—always trying to lose more or change the way I looked. That’s not always a bad thing, but the second I got pregnant, my first thought was, “Oh my God, I’m going to get fat. I’m going to gain so much weight, and there goes all my progress.” What I should have been focusing on was the beauty that was about to unfold—the fact that God blessed me to do this again.

There’s been a lot of acceptance happening over these last few months. I’m truly learning to embrace it: the growing body, the slowdown, the fatigue. And the pregnancy fatigue has been no joke. I thought it was just first-trimester exhaustion, but even now in the second trimester, my energy still hasn’t returned. A familiar brain fog started taking over.

Iron. I had a gut feeling, so I had them run my iron panels again, and sure enough, my ferritin dropped below 30. I immediately started taking supplements about two weeks ago, and my God, what a difference I’ve felt. I’m going to a hematologist this week, but I wanted to get the ball rolling. Since I’ve had ferritin issues before, I knew what to do. I had no idea the body required more iron during pregnancy, so I didn’t think to continue my extra supplements. Either way, my levels are on the rise, and I feel like a cloud has been lifted off my head.

We’re just about halfway through this pregnancy and haven’t bought a single thing. Someone gave me an outfit the other day, and I just started bawling, realizing another human is going to be here before we know it. We don’t have another room for him. Yes, it’s a boy. Nothing is actually moving in the house yet, so he’s bunking with us for a while.

I’m also realizing that once he’s here, I don’t know how I’m going to work again. I’m considering a different path. But how? No clue. I can probably still train out of my house, but the travel might need to end. All I do is run. I’m a traveling personal trainer, I have two kids aged 13 and 11, and I’m literally running non-stop. I love what I do, but sometimes the passion seems to fade.

I want more, but less. I want more money but don’t like to overcharge. I feel like I’m in a constant battle between business and being a people pleaser. And I think I’m just tired.

So I’ve been asking myself: How do I change careers and/or shift to something different? How can I accept not making as much money? When is enough, enough?

Even if it feels far off, I know the kind of work that would feel nourishing in this next season. I want to be a better writer. I want to share my stories—childhood memories, fiction, recipes, DIY, coaching. I like doing different things to keep life interesting. One of my biggest dreams, which I don’t speak about enough, is to open a community center that offers classes in all of these things, geared toward young adults. Kids who need direction, a sense of community, and ways to cope and thrive. That’s the dream.

I also want to be present. But I feel like I’m always chasing the next thing. Being present, for me, means prioritizing work, home life, play time, social time, and downtime. A lot of times I feel like I’m either doing too much or nothing at all. For example, I worked too long on the computer the other day, and it overlapped with the kids coming home. They were hungry and just wanted to talk, and I was so irritated. I found myself being nasty with them. I had no plans for food, which added stress, and all their questions just made me angrier. I had to walk away, which I know is okay to do to reset, but I never felt calm for the rest of the night. I felt like I needed to check out.

I think I have ADD of some kind. I think just having checkboxes, knowing what’s next, and prioritizing time with them will help. I want to be a good mom, and a lot of times I just feel like I’m falling short.

But I’m here. I’m trying. I’m unraveling, yes—but maybe that’s how we reweave something new.

Are you in a season of transition? I see you. What's helping you stay grounded right now?